lings;

non-existant blog.
i'm in my irritated pmsing mood again.
diaries are meant to be private.
this one is not.
obviously not.

typing in the dark now.
THE LIGHTS IN MY HOUSE HAS FUSED!
and erhh..
claire don't know how to fix them x)
heh lousy !! i know.
grrrr.
had quite a gd day!
had a real good time just laughing like crazy!
met nise,victor,van,kitty,paul at starbucks HV.
saw my nu er mellie too!
haha -hugs mel- gd 2 c u dear!!
basically spent the whole evening laughing lyk crazy!
attempted 2 get sm studying done.
however i only remember certain things.
whooops.
diediedieeee.
arghs! but u know what?
who cares?
my day rocked!!!!!!!!! x)
gd news gd news!
haha my frens shld knw what i'm talkg abt.
lalalalala.
-beaming in happiness-
moreover gonna meet bern n mandy dis sat.
FINALLY MY TAITAI-ISM IS COMPLETE!!!!
wheeeeeeeeee*
i love my taitaix! i love my lyly sisters!
i love my gdgs! i love my funny people!
i love my baby syl! i love my lil sis nic!
there..
ain't it nice 2 hv so many wonderful frens surrounding u?
-beaming away-

baby i just can't wait till i see you face
chase away this loneliness inside
when you're close to my heart,
right here in my arms,
then and only then will i be satisfied
missing you now.
i know we'll be together
it won't be long..it won't be long
but it feels like forever,
and its hard to be strong.

i think this song depicts exactly how i feel.
right now..
its so hard to be strong.
was just thinking of the day,
when we went to the toys dept in city hall,
shopping for a present for my lil cousin.
how he looked so cute,
when he asked the sales lady where i cld get e present frm.
i was too embarrassed to ask.
how we got so caught up being childish.
we played with the bigbig stuffed bears.
we looked at barbie dolls.
still remember how u pinched my cheeks ,
still remember how u leaned in,
and lightly kissed my nose.
and for that moment ,
time stood still,
it was just you and me,
innocent, sweet.
i miss that.
baby. i miss you.
counting down still.
my slow, painful countdown.

\\strip me off my misery please\\

its so late already
just got off the phone.
listening to "i love you came too late".
nice song x)
very depressing however.
had a very gd day ..
woke up late , so skipped my accts tutorial.
so all in all i only had 3 hrs of lecture today..
ahhhh* poly life. haha
met up w victor and jared after tt 4 a short while.
den had 2 rush off 2 go 4 my casting w van..
had dinner with her..
bitchin..talkg abt e past...
dangg..miss ya lots girl..
it was gd hanging out w u today..
reali miss all those days when u wld call me n go "zouk?"
i'd be there asap .. hahahaha
honeyy...we down 4ever aiight? thnx 4 always bein there 4 me.
u knw i love ya!!!! -huggiess- u always stand by me and i
truly truly appreciate it. luv lots!

jus reali missin all my frens rite nw..
mandy..stefi..van..zy..bern...
arghs.
i miss em all x)
hahaha..
life is actually quite full of sunshine u knw?
i'm finding that more true day by day..
fuck e bad shit.
live for the moment..
-peace-

am msging his mother now.
thinking of him. hope he is well.
its been 5 months.
so long...yet so short.
our 7th month is coming.
seems like only yesterday when he held me in his arms.
when he would whisper in my ear "i love you".
sweet memories yeah?
i love replaying my mental photoalbum of memories.
and to the person who says saying "ilu" too often is insincere.
well..
its insincere if you tell too many people u love them.
but i think its ok to tell my friends i love them,
cuz i do.
maybe you don't love your friends half as much as i love mine.
and i really really love mine.
cuz they've been there for me all the time.
i love my friends so much!
x) -beams-
nise, mandy, syl, van, dar, stefi, sen,daahbee, zy,bern, nelson,gyl, edgar,jess(all3!!),
i love u guyss!! thnx 4 alwis being there for me!! -huggies-
victor & paul(mygayboy!), kitty >> thnx 4 all the laughs u 2 give me!!
u guys r treasured way more den u knw x)
lalalalalaa.
see. even when ur at ur most dwn..ur frens r always there 4 u
boyfriends blahblah may drift away,
but in e end,
its ur friends who r there 4 u all e time x)
kkaess
shall nt blog rubbish anymore..
l8rs ppl!

i realize people are giving me alot of bull,
for the whole attack-ur-mum-with-a-chopper thing.
yes i know its an incredibly stupid thing to do.
well..as it is human to do make mistakes,
i don't think people should comment too much.
i'm sure you guys haven't been the nicest to your mums either.
yups. lol.but its quite hilarious seeing all these "anti-claire"
msgs on my gb x) -beams-
i think u people mean to piss me off.
sorry. i don't irritate easily.
lalala.
had quite a day. sigghh..
shan't go into the details though.
however, am reali happy to have spoken to sen dis morning..

sen>>> to wake up to a msg as sweet as yours,
it was needless to say, very touching.
love you so so so so much!! -hugsss-
i'm lyk waitin 4 u 2 wake up in 3 hrs so i can talk 2 u!
can't wait!! urgh.s'pore misses u.
I MISS U . ilu sen!!!
sucks that so many ppl r away frm me.
this also goes out to my girlfriend.
debs>> girl i miss ya. been wanting to talk 2 u,
but seems lyk ur bz or ur fones engaged.
well...jus hope u knw i'm a fonecall away if u need me.
-huggies-

anyway blahblahblah.
nothing much to say today.
gonna countdown the time till b4 sen gets online..
-peaceout-

|:|:: lost in emotions ::|:|

raise ur hands if u believe in retribution.
i do.
today's sermon in church was on retribution.
when u remember e awful way u treated people,
ouch.
that hurts man.
i want my peace of mind back.
therefore this is my plan.

- don't bear any hatred. what good does it do?
- come home and study everyday. nerds don't get much attention.
- don't hurt people who don't deserve it. 1 day somebody will hurt u.
- no matter what ur heart says, use abit of your brains.

i want my peace of mind back.
i want the days when i could just kick back and have fun back.
i want hansen and debbie to come back to singapore.
i want to fall asleep at night and have sweet dreams.
i want all my friends to be happy.
i really really want all my friends to be happy.
but god, isn't there some way i could be happy too?

i wanna go back to nov/dec 2002.
i miss those happy days.
CAREFREE days.
when everything was jus fun loving, hell free.
I WANT MY DAYS OF NOV/DEC 2002 back.
u have no idea how much god.

if only i could turn back time.
lol. i miss sitting under my block with this person.
god please let me know where i went wrong.
each time i see him, i feel nothing but familiarity.
but at the same time, i feel that coldness.
ooh*
the temperature's dropping and i'm becoming lame.
arghs
i better study.
or i'm going to be SO behind in management.
laters.

i smell yummy mee soto. -beams-
can anybody hear claire's hungry tummy rumbling?
my daddy's in a foul mood though.
sigh. when is he never?

anyway my day yesterday was quite gd x)
i went shopping w my mummy in the morning!
than headed off to study at SICC with victor.
*coughtigergirlscough* haha -nudge victor-
i realize something.
i'm going to fail accounts.
i spent 1 whole hr on 1 question! haha
it looks so nice and neat though!
than jared came down to meet us and we went to town.
slacked at spin with them for awhilee.
managed to meet up with jianhong! -wheeeee-
and than had to meet syl n carrie n carrie's frens.
one nice guy. *carrie!! gd catch!!*haha
one duakang one. needless to say, i was very uncomfortable.
thank god 4 edgar !!! hahha my godsent!!! -wheeeee again!-
it was edgar and paul to the rescueeeee!!!! lalalalala.
than went alleybar to meet laubotak for a while..
haha i am more or less happy cuz saw many of my frens yday x)

so this explains the nice big smile on my face today!
hahaha. i think i'm crazy...
oh well..MEE SOTO!!!!!!!! hungry!!!! kkaes
shall end here b4 i bcum stupidd..
i need to study tdy! haha mayb meeting kitty at holland v.
hmmmmm shall slp first. tooodlelooo ppl!!!


its been a long time.
you sat next to me.
you looked deep in thought.
i wanted to reach over.
i wanted to ask what you were thinking.
but i was scared.
still unpredictable.
still cynical.
never changing.
you're still the same you .
cold, unexplanable, complex.

i just got home from shopping.
can i say something?
I LOVE MY MUMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i really really really do.
ok
i guess every person thinks their's is e best,
so i'm not going to say i think she's e best,
i wldn't knw..
I ONLY HV ONE MUMMY!
but ..I LOVEEEEEEEE HER TO BITS!!!!!!! x)
she's reali e absolute sweetest!!
tdy she took me shopping even tho she keeps saying
NO MORE CLOTHES FOR YOU!
and i still end up with so much more!
haha and she'll say NO NEW HP!
but she'll buy me one for my birthday.
she'll be like I NEED TO CUT YOUR ALLOWANCE
but i get even more than before.
i don't love her only for her money though.
i love her because she understands me.
which mother will sit by your bed as you cry at night,
when you tell her about how much you miss your boyfren.
which mother will be so understanding abt ur bf,
tho he's not the kind most mums wld approve off.
i love her so much for loving me so much.
i love her for her constant advice, for her being there .
i love her for defending me, for standing up for me to my dad.
it can't be easy .
which mum wld sacrifice going out with her friends,
just to spend time with your sister and u. to be there 4 us.
which mum is so kind n loving,
even after hw many time u disappear in the middle of the nite,
after u threaten her with a chopper,
after u disappoint her time n again.
i love my mummy so much!.
i don't ever wanna leave her.
arghs. suddenly i feel so family-ish.
i just plain love my mummy!! -hees-
sounds so mummy's girl but i dun care.
i'm happy being mummy's lil girl.
hahaha

laters peeps..
i'm going to relish being mummy's lil girl now x)

morning morning morning!
i have to say,i had a very enjoyable day yesterday.
firstly , i spent some time with mandy in the hairdresser. haha
my hair is now ermm. i'm not quite sure. its supposed to be a dark ash blond.
but it looks just brownish to me. never mind then.
had dinner with my sister and my dearest grandpa.
adrian>> thnx for the dinner last night. next time..my treat aiight x)
had a good time just talking with you.. nicole was non-existant .
don't u agree?
practically not looking in our direction n in a world of her own.
haha whats new? x)

hmm than i played pool with nise,nelson,kitty and jeremy whilst waiting 4 mandy.
normal stuff.
but van came down to find us after that , so we went to coffee bean to slack.
and it was so much fun just talking bullshit! hee
arghs reali felt so happy to see mandy and van last nite!!
somedays it feels like crap that we're in different schools.
I MISS MANDY SO MUCH ALL THE TIME!!!!! -sobbies-
anyway.
i'm going shopping with my mummy now!
*wheeeeeee*
haha blog more later.

extreme exhaustion.
sigh.
need to bitch.
my samsung charger is spoilt! -grrr-
got ta buy a new one tmr. feeling irritated.
i got lots of hw to catch up on and lots of notes to read tru.
better start studying seriously.
tempted 2 club tmr nite. but i shall not.
i shall study hard -beams-
k i realize this resolution is SO not going to last.
but oh well. x)
why am i writing when i have nothing to write?
absolutely nothing?
retarded.

---because i miss you
---body and soul so strong
---that it takes my breath away
---and i breathe you into my heart
---and i pray for the strength to stand today
---cuz i love you
---whether its wrong or right
---and tho i can't be with you tonight
---you know my heart is by your side.

jus rememberin the nite when i stayed over
and that song played on the radio
and you sang it to me
ever so softly
as i fell asleep in your arms

god knows why i am awake at this forsaken hour.
actually i have a makeup econs lesson..
but guess what?!
i'm not going to go.
i'm too tired. *yawns*

had a pretty good day yesterday.
the first thing that made me happy..
managed to speak to hansen 4 quite awhile on the phone! -beaming-
really glad he landed safely.
damn i miss him like crazy.
sen>>missin ya real bad..u tk care of yourself there aiight..
hope to talk more when ur more settle in. u sounded happy yesterday.
x) keep smiling dear..i've never known a hansen that couldn't smile tru the rain.

sigh. it seems like everybody's leavin me 1 by 1.
first debs..den sam..now hansen..
who knows who else is leaving?
how depressing.

don't want to drown in depression.
k shall hv a short recap of my day.
went to study with nise after sch yesterday.
met paul kitty reuben n my darling didi. hees*
had fun with them!

den went 4 dinner with edgar syl and carrie!
-wheeeee- was lots of fun. jus talking and eating really good food.
for all who love the yu sheng at chinese new year,
wait til u try the oriental chicken salad at California Pizza Kitchen.
-smackslips- absolutely yummilicious x)
good food and even better company.
what more can i say?
those talks yday got me to knw carrie edgar n syl even better than i thot i did.
reali appreciate the 3 of them ! -smucks sweeties-
fluffy baby n my sweetieeee!! hahaha whooopss. shan't embarras them.

kk la. i don't wanna whine too much today.
gotta study gotta study!
test later!

-peaceout-

watching you through that piece of glass reminds me of a movie.
unfortunately. it's reality.
it hurt to see you go.
and i think for these fews moments and alot more to come,
the pain of you leaving hurts more than any other pain .
dang.
i hope december comes soon
u've been on the plane for 4hrs + already.
hope you're resting well on the plane
hush now no more tears. we're always here for you.
i miss you already
this one's for you sen.
+smucks+

i sat with those torn tattered books
i read its contents
i remembered everything from day 1
friends for a lifetime
this heart of mine won't stop loving you

sen wish ya all the best in america.
study hard yeah?
make lots of new friends,
but never forget about all of us here.
thinking of you now.

to debbie>> girlfren..i hope ur ok. i read ur blog..
i'm gonna call u 2nite. missing ya too.

why'd you all have to go?
i miss you guys lyk crazy.
feels lyk people are leavin me one by one.

its depressing thinking about the fact that you're leaving.
last night, after i put down the phone with you,
i pulled out all my old diaries.
as i read each diary entry, i remembered every single memory.
so i sat all night and reminisced.

in sec2,
i remember how the first tiem you hugged me was on my birthday
and you gave me my present.
i still have it. i'll never throw it away.
we used to leave voicemails for each other in the morning and in the night.
i loved those sweet voicemails.
i used to painstakingly search for the nicest songs to leave in your voicemail,
i hope you loved them as much as i loved yours.

in sec3,
i made you so very angry at me and nearly spoilt our friendship.
i promise i'd never do that again.
never.

in sec4,
i thank ailin 4 hvg her party cuz it was at her party that we became friends again.
i'm so glad we didn't remain enemies
i sat and talked with you at my grad night.
i'll never forget hw we sat at 1 corner, away from everybody and just talked.
our first talk in so long ever since we fought.

this year, 2003,
i neglected you often due to my other problems.
i'm sorry.
you're leaving.
i wish i had spent more time with you.
but i can tell you my fave moments with you.
when we shared a cab home before i flew off to the USA.
when we sat at Holland Village after rena's party just talkg and talkg.
beach babyyyy x)
at hendrix. one last time.

in 5 hrs and 20 mins you will be on the plane to USA.
how i wish i had more of those memories with you.
i though i had buried away all those memories of the past.
but sweet sweet memories don't burn away.
sometimes we have to hide them for the sake of ourselves. you know what i mean.
but in the end, they're still in our hearts.
sen.. i love you always ya? whenever you're down in the US, remember you've got me!
-hugs sen so tight- i'll be missing u til u cm back.

was just thinkg. tmr sen's leaving already.
so depressing. i wish i had treasure all e times i had with him b4 he had 2 leave.
if only i could turn bck time.

sen>> i'll miss u so much when u leave. 5 more mnths. rem 2 call me as much as possible,
go online n keep me updated on hw u r yeah? tk care sweetie..rock the USA x) -loveya

mandy>> baby i knw wat u mean abt us nt being in e same sch. sure feels lyk shit.
rem tho, u n nise will always b my bestest frens ard. tho we ain't gonna c each other much,
u knw nise n i r thinkg of u all e time. ilu dear

nise>> darl..sm decisions r made nt bcuz we want 2 n u wish u had an alternative.
jus rem i'm always here 4 u ya. darlings forever n ever. loveyaalways.

evelyn>> hey girl haven't known u long but ur an absolute sweetheart.
wish i cld hv been there tdy when u were down. arghs. sorry !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-huggies- cheer up ya dear? c u tmr!

jianhong>> hey botak! haha so happy 2 c u tdy! lookg gd! tk care aiight! +hugs+

love breaks and love divides.
love laughs and love can make u cry
i can't believe the way
that love can give,
and love can take away

_today i thought of you
_damn baby i miss you
_just wanna tell you how much i love you

i have a new resolve.
i want to study hard and do extremely well in school.
so that by the time i'm 21, i can move out of this house, out of my father's control.
it irritates me to think that i have to abide by his rules.
unfortunately for me also, i have a very high expenditure rate.
i highly doubt 2k a month is sufficient for me. -cursing and swearing-
dammit. i hate relying on my father. resolve no2. i shall cut down on my shopping and cab rides and clubbing.
today i was pondering...again.
i think i have too much free time to think.
i hate seeing my friends sad. than i wonder why most of them are sad.
i think failed relationships are the cause of misery for many.
see. there's that word. r-e-l-a-t-i-o-n-s-h-i-p
shall not use the word "love" here because many would accuse me of being a sappysap chuck.
in the life of a human, we are required to interact with those around us.
this in term of business is called "networking".
and these relationships we build, are also known as "interpersonal relationship".
and trust me. we have built many "interpersonal relationships" over the years.
much like the skill of marketing. we "present" ourself in the best way we can.
and to an extent of some they "promote" themselves too. in of course, the most unpleasing way.
and to "sell" yourself to your "target customers" also known as the people that you need to please,
you have to be "packaged" just right.
so in our course of life, we basically wrap ourself in a farcity that does not exist.
we hide behind this superficial packaging so that we can be well-liked.
so back to the relationship thing.
my point here is that we keep trying to do things to get the attention of our loved ones.
hiding ourselves in this so-called "better packaging".
where is the real person inside us? are we forced to endure all the discomforts just to please one?
yes. it is nice to make a person happy. i think the best suited word would be sacrifice.
however. how much can you sacrifice?
call me selfish. but i think you should be who you are and make yourself HAPPY.
which once again proves my point? where is the glow of life?
what happened to those images whereby we live a life of carefree insanity?
where we are allowed to run in the meadows, with a kite flying in the sky, the sun shining so bright?
where the sky is blue and waters clear? where the wind blows and the grass green?
what happened to the dreams of lovers holding hands under the moonlight? shining against the tapestry of stars?
that "image" of a world is more or less an illusion.
real life . reality. its just a materialistic world whereby we all hide behind personas.
so..therefore. people should just be selfish at times, and make themselves happy.
point made.
i have to go meet kitty now. i need to smoke.
OH NO!!!! what am i doing spending my time frivolously?!!
i should be studying!! but i wanna shop!
-grrr-
kkaes. time to make myself slightly happier. I NEED TO MOVE OUT.
therefore..*heading to meet kitty early so i can get back earlier to study*

+peaceout+

its sad to know that i'm the source of somebody's misery.
for everybody i made miserable. i'm sorry.
sometimes in life i have to be selfish, and make myself a little happier.
as bitchy as this may sound.
i'm miserable too. i think i have hurt 1 too many people in my lifetime.
damn me. seriously.
i woke up with puffy eyes once again.
however. last nite's dream wasn't the same one that was recurring for many days.
last night's dream was sweet. happy. everything i wanted.
yet i still woke up in tears. there must b something wrong with me.
maybe i should get over that .
i burst into anger at the KTV yesterday,broke down.
could have harmed an innocent girl for no reason.
i guess thats what love does to people huh? to be unreasonable and temperamental.
how fearsome.
but..i did have fun yesterday.
on the way to town, i had long talks with my classmate yasi..
it was interesting getting to know her..
than i met victor to go shopping! we intended to majorly SHOP.
however it wasn't our fate. TOPSHOP decided 2 close 4 a private function.
jared and sascha was with us too. so we went far east 4 dinner than to spin to slack.
haha and this is the funny part...after awhile..i went to meet the rest at PARTY WORLD.
yes ktv. ahahha how retarded.
met reuben, daryl, hansen, paulieee, nelson..n didn't knw e rest of hansen's frens.
at first i was disgusted but it turned out to be so cutee! haha so much fun
-laughlaughsmilesmile-
however..me being a spoiler..brk down outside e KTV..so syl had 2 cm dwn n accompany me.
sylbaby...ur e absolute bestest -hugss- thnx 4 stickg by me no matter wat..4 doing so much 4 me,
i really appreciate it. iloveyou alwayss..u've got my eternal gratitude. -huggies-

much love to my bro daryl...hansen & nelson..for caring 4 me n checkg up on me.
iloveyouguys!!!!!!!!!!!!! hope all girls treat u 3 real well..u 3 r e sweetest n ilu all!!!

long entry. sorry sorry. i won't be home today anyway.
going sentosa!!!!!!!!!! wheeeeeee* finally a chance to tan! haha
and 2nite hopefully, if my mum's nt 2 pissed at me anymore..i'll b clubbg w sen.
1 last nite. -sigh-. its depressing tt he's leaving.
-determind nt 2 look at it dis way-
oh welll.......
arghss.
better go get ready soon or i'll b l8 meetg them! toodleess!!

today was rather miserable initially.
for the first time in awhile, i cried myself to sleep, n woke up with puffy eyes.
i looked more or less like crap today and went tru my day like a zombie.
falling asleep in my classes, giving monosyllabic answers.
i didn't blow dry my hair properly and i just threw on whatever i could find.
yes i'm sorry if i looked like crap today and gave all of you crap attitude.
-claire apologizes profusely-
however, i had my first laugh of the day,
when i received my gay boy's msg. x) and of cuz, hw can i forget nelson's funny pictures?
went down to starbucks HV after class to meet nise,nelson,hansen,reuben,paul n clifford.
yes clifford i shall refrain from calling u ki*** for the prevention of humiliation :)
u guys..thanks 4 making me laugh. really appreciate it so much!
exercising my cheek muscles in the right way.

hansen>> ur advice was really good. thanks lots~! rem i'm always here if u need me.
wun ever forget u. -sompa-

mandy>> baby..if u see dis, pls rem i'm thinkg of u. i hope ur well and i love ya~

nicole>> nic...i cried when i saw ur msg 4 me on ur blog. -touched beyond words-
dear u r a great sister. i don't know how i'll get by without ur endless support and words.
don't ever think the world's lousy. cuz even when it sucks..there's always you and i.
in this world, without mummy and daddy, there's only you and i. and we'll be together always.
i assure u of that. today was hard, being gong gong's death anniversary. won't forget tt faithful
tuesday morning 2 yrs ago when we woke up to mummy's tears. it's painful remembering that day.
its painful to think of gong gong. we mite hv to face more deaths together. as morbid as that sounds
please remember i'm here. ilu*

syl>> thnx dear 4 ur msg. appreciate it. -huggies- u rock~ alwis..

edgar>> as much as i hate u 4 calling me clairepottie. grrr* i stil tink ur a swell guys.
tk care and keep bringing the sunshine in ! peace dude

[[friends are for a lifetime]]
[[lovers fade away]]
[[friends? they last forever]]

>> in deep misery <<

crying a waterfall.
bleeding like a tap.

somebody please take me away from this misery.

my little paper heart tore once again.

don't mend mine back.

let me mend yours first.

i won't hurt you . i promise.

words that cut so deep.

they penetrate like a knife tru my skin.

once brandished. i hold my wrist under the tap of running water.

see the red mingling with the crystal clear water.

maybe those suicidal thoughts weren't wrong.

here i am blogging again. haha reali live by the computer, die by the computer x)
gees.
had a pretty good day tdy. was with nise, nelson,reuben n met up w my dearest honey. -smile-
paulie *gayboy* came down to meet us hahahaa.
he's damn funnie. kept making me laugh.
its at times like those moments today, that u jus 4get all ur worries, ur pain,
and jus laugh. yes. i love those laughs. x)

jess>> darling.. rem smthing..memories aren't only photos.
they stay by us no matter what kkaes? -huggies-

gyl>> i'm gonna call u once i'm done blogging.but jus wanna say ilu~ cheer up dear

its funny how different people feel down to different things.
why do we hv all dese worries in our life?
can't we be happy all the time?
-pondering on human happiness-
some happiness is shortlived. life can be such a drag at times.
den i remember smthing, that brings a smile to my face.
yes. that smthing...are your friends.
they shape you for who you are, they make you laugh when none seems possible.
they give u a shoulder 2 cry on. its wonderful . that thing called friendship.
i know i talk alot abt my friends. but i think i wldn't hv gotten by dis yr without my frens.
reali appreciate them frm the bottom of my heart . +smucks+
dears..i hope u guys knw i'll b dere 4 u guys 2.

every morning, i wake up and spend some time thinking.
is it wrong for a fool to live in dreamland?
whereby as she wakes every morning, she finds herself hoping n wishing for the impossible?
but yet a small part of me understands, the importance of fulfilling your dreams,
of working towards it, and how it makes a difference.
yes. what if you hurt people along the way?
what happens next? is it that wrong to hurt people in order to get what you want?
i don't know. i really don't.
i'm just pondering all these unneccessary thoughts too early in the morning.
wondering where the glow of life is.
do humans all put up facades ? a mask of a happy face?
what lies behind those happy faces? sadness ? depression?
are we being honest with ourselves as we walk around?
i know i wear that mask sometimes.
bcuz deep within my, my heart hurts.
\\burnt by love//
only too little do people we truly can seek appear in our lives.
and often, we under appreciate how special they are,
that as they leave us,
we regret.
yes. this is too much too swallow for the early morning.
shall end here.
i stil don't want to go to school. not today.
i'm too tired.
-peaceout-

lalalal BORED AGAIN !!!!!
urgh. on the fone w jianhong nw..
talkg rubbish..lol. damn long nv talk 2 him already.
missing my botaks. *grrr*
see. no matter which frens i meet, i will stil miss sm!!
hw sad's tt.
hmm gonna meet my sweetlovinghoney tmr..haha YAY!!
can't wait. kkaes. talkg rubbish. gonna talk 2 my botak first.
+peaceout+

see-sawing mood.
remembered some pretty good times today.
how carefree my life used to be. before it became weighed down with this burden.
this hurting burden.
some say my reason 4 depression was tt choice.
some choices are hard.
1 has 2 stay. 1 has 2 go.
no matter hw much u wanna hv 2 golden boats.
ages ago..more den half a yr.
yet i stil feel my soft spot 4 u each time u smile, hear ur voice.
stil rem e smallest things abt u. lyk tdy 4 instance.
when i remembered tt detail n was able 2 ans 4 u b4 u cld ans 4 urself. don't knw y. but i can't 4get too.
rem those times last time when we wld sit under my blk later at nite,
and jus talk n talk. hw i miss dem at times.
hw i'm sorry i had 2 give u up no matter hw much i didn't want 2.
ok. see nw ppl i'm gonna say i'm fickleminded. lol.
hw wonderful. i dun care. i've got lots of soft spots in my heart.
enuff 4 all e wonderful ppl in my life. ilu all.
i love my frens. i dont knw hw i wld hv gotten tru dis whole yr w/o them.
u guys r undoubtedly e best. stickg by me tru thick n thin.
i'm sorry if i ain't e bestest fren ard. rem i luv u guys tho.
and i will try my best 2 b dere when u need me. *sompa*
feelg tired.
reuben's over nw ..we're waitg 4 nise 2 end sch.
*yawn*
gonna smk first..
laters ppl.

i'm bored.
so here i am. blogging my life away. haha seriously, i'm joining e world of bloggatn.
if there's such a thing of cuz x)
had a pretty gr8 day. managed 2 get in sm studyg as well as fun .
went 2 nise's country club w nise, reuben and paul.
haha we attempted 2 study. tink onli i managed 2 get sm work done.
paul n reuben were jus clowning ard..real funny.
haha n we den clowned ard smmore when we went 2 play tennis.
hilarious i tell u. 4 amateurs making fools of themselves.
they gave us 3 tennis balls , n we lost 2 . whooops*
ahaha but it was a fun day..those 2 jus kept making nise n i laugh.
proceeded 2 put make up on reuben. yess my lil pretty boy. -smirk-
so basically i had a pretty gr8 day.
darl..notice tt whenever i hv gr8 days, its alwis w u.
thanks dearie* ilu lots!!
wellwell...i've smhw onli managed 2 use 5 mins of my sianation time.
-SCREAMS IN AGONY-
i'm going 2 find smthing else 2 do. urgh.
+peaceout+

had a very very very good day yesterday!
ermm except for the more or less rocky start with nise. *winks*
its ok dear.. i understand.. +hugss+ stil luv u all e same!!!! hees
went 2 watch alex & emma w nise n dawnny. oh crap. i'm turng lesbian agn! haha
kiddinggss
dese r 10 gd reasons y nt 2 watch it.

1. its all dialogue
2. the film revolves ard those 2 characters
3. the plot is extremely stereotypical
4. the guy's ugly
5. no cute guys in the movie
6. no nice music in the back ground
7. KATE HUDSON HAD BROWN HAIR!
8. KATE HUDSON LOOKED BETTER IN "HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN 10 DAYS"
9. KATE HUDSON WAS DRESSED TERRIBLY HERE
10. the guy's a gay ass sad bastard!

there u go! x) but if ur reali bored n tt's ur only movie available..den..
by all means..go watch. -shrugs- i already wasted my money. x)
lalala kkaes went 4 rena's party last nite..
it was sweet..love seeing all my IJ friends..its sucha nice feeling!
I LOVE MY FRENS SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
haha we ( hansen,daryl,mandy,jeremy,nise,reuben,paul,me ) left e party early
and proceeded to great world city to consume large amnts of smk. lol
it was fun jus slackg there n talkg cock..wheeeeee*
den they all left..leaving sen dar n i..
sen n i ended up at HV slackg n jus talkg n talkg..
it was really great..
hansen >> i will miss u so much when ur gone.. -hugs hansen-
u've alwis been a fren i cld talk 2 so well...cm bck often kkaes?

daryl >> bro, no matter shits u encounter in life..rem tt u've got me,
and i'll always love u kkaes? u da best!!! i don't care wat others say x)

nise>> danggg lady...haha lets nt prove wat my mum said 2 b true ya?
u knw i love yooouuu! x) sorry abt yesterday. i shld hv been more understandg.

mandyy>> babyy..i reali miss seeing u all e time..its lyk..nt e same..
but u shld knw tt we'll always hv each other n u'll always be 1 of my closest, n bestest frens x)

*phew* lots of shout outs..haha
anyway i'm gonna tk my morning smk! laters ppl!

woke up to my sister gabbing abt her 2.4km run today.
haha *remembering hw i hv been exempted frm napfa for the last 2 yrs*
-beambeam-
nothing much to say reali.
to nick>> thnx lots! i'll b sure 2 rem tt... no time 4 any more talks i suppose
but we will catch up soon! i'm sure nise will make certain of tt! x)
hope u guys last longggg! tk care!!

lalala reali hope darl n nick last...cute couplee *wheeee*
stil rem tt nite when i was reali dwn n i went 2 nicks place w them..wowsers..
sensible ppl!! gave me a gd long talk x) much appreciated too.
haha stil ever grateful 4 all my friends!!
met dar, zy n josh yday..long time no see!!!
real gd 2 c u guys x)
kinda sad..nise msged me remindg me of rena's farewell party..
tho i'm nt particularly close 2 her, she's still a friend..
and its sad 2 c u frens leave..
WHY R ALL OF U LEAVING US IN SINGAPORE?! x(
stay...don't go..

syl..[[ i don't need heaven when i have you ]]
don't ever wanna see you hurt..ur a gr8 fren n a very special person.
don't ever be treated 4 anything less..-hugs-

lalala just got home. skipped my ITAB tdy. whooops.
i hv decided tt its tedious 2 go 2 sch. CLIMBING HILLS.
sighhh. dis sch is tkg is toll on me. haha ok la.
but i luvvv my class! they r sooo cutee hahaha
me being retarded.
anyway after i skipped sch, i went to HV starbucks 2 slack w nise.
victor n kenny came dwn.
i tell u..i can't b in e same rm as those 2 at e same time.
laugh until wanna dieee!!! my 2 funny man x)
took sm pretty retarded pictures too.
kenny's gng bck on sat nite x( so saddd..
yandao! i will miss u!!! -huggiess-found out tt tt irritatg guy in my accts lecture is victor's classmate!!
haha so irritating man tt guy. -chasilang!!!-
worse den me!!! haha who knew tt was possible?! -beamss-
anyway bck 2 my day..
nickky(pooops) and nelson came down 2!!!
nic brot nicee bellagio ice-cream 4 us!! -smackslips-
felt happy tdy! dunno whie. got e company of my darl..my lil sis..my didi n my 2 funny man.
feels lyk a wonder timee..all my gd frens! wheeee*
haha yes i knw i seem pleasantly happy tdy! I AM!!!!
i luv their company so much!! laugh and smile.. being happy w my friends.
this is what life shld b abt. hvg frens 2 laugh n joke w u.
but also 2 knw tt when ur dwn..dese frens can b there 4 u.
as 4 my sister..i luv her so much!
tho i nv told her dis! nic...ur a swtheart. u listen 2 me, u advice me..
u grew up w me..and u knw my most happy n embarrassing moments.
its wonderful 2 knw tt i hv a built in best fren in my lil sister.
at dis present moment in time..i'm loving life..i'm loving my friends..i'm loving my family..

with all my love to all my frens.. i luv u guys..
i hope never 2 c u guys sad..but rem i'm alwis here 4 ur happiness, ur tears.
don't let any1 hurt u guys..i wld b so sad 2 c such wonderful ppl hurt.
u guys are the best..i cld want no other friends...-hugs all round-

love one person,
hurt yourself, for one person,
trust in that one person
and feel for one person and one person only.
hurt not those who you love,
trust not those who you don't.
release your heart, your soul for that one person.
fill your dreams with thoughts of that person,
fear him not, but fear losing him.
sit and share your hopes and your dreams,
tell your fears and disgusts.
open your heart , and talk freely of the world.
talk all the talks ,for he who loves you,
will accept you as you are, and want to protect you for life.